Victoria on the relationship between mothers & self-esteem

  • elizabethann

    i THOUGHT i WAS ALONE IN THIS. i AM 60 YEARS OLD AND STILL TODAY HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO GET PASSED WHAT MY MOM INSTILLED IN MY HEAD. SHE PUT ME ON MY FIRST DIET AT AGE 11. SHE WOULD CONSISTENTLY DRESS ME IN VERTICAL STRIPES WITH THE COMMENT THAT IT WOULD MAE ME LOOK THINNER. I CAN STILL HEAR HER SAY “IF YOU JUST ATE WHAT I GAVE YOU, YOU WOULD NOT HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM !”
    I TOO LOVED TO PERFORM AND I WAS TOLD BEFORE EACH SHOW I AUDITIONED FOR THAT I WOULD NOT GET THE PART UNLESS I LOST WEIGHT. UNFORTUNATELY BACK THEN, SHE WAS RIGHT. I WAS A GREAT SINGER JUST NOT A THIN SINGER.
    I LEARNED TO EAT SECRETLY AND WHERE SHE COULD NOT SEE ME,
    I DID LOSE WEIGHT LATER ON, BUT TO THIS DAY I BARELY EAT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. AND IF I HAVE SOMETHING IN MY HAND LIKE A COOKIE OR A FOOD CHUBBY PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE EATING, I DUMP IT IN THE GARBAGE IF I HEAR ANYONE COMING.
    I AM SORRY TO SAY, I STILL FEEL ALL ARE JUDGING ME.
    MY MOM, WHO IS NOW, 90, GREETED ME ON CHRISTMAS WITH “YOU LOOK BETTER, YOU’VE LOST A LITTLE WEIGHT.” MERRY CHRISTMAS!
    DEFINITELY HAD A LIFE LONG EFFECT ON MY SELF ESTEEM.
    I ADMIRE HOW POSITIVE YOU ARE. I DID NOT HAVE ANY PART OF ME THAT SAID “SHE IS FULL OF IT.” i BELIEVED IT ALL AND STILL HAVE TROUBLE SEEING ANYTHING POSITIVE IN THE MIRROR.